This was a short story written in my creative writing class in college.
The Bacon Hunt - A short story by Tyler Smith
A small and quiet farmhouse resides up on a hill in the countryside. Down the hill opens up to three acres of land which holds a garden and livestock. It may seem just like any ordinary farm but there was something different about this one. Something was off but nobody could piece it together. Farmer Joe has the usual cows and chickens but his most valuable animals are his pigs. The farmer runs a stand on the weekends in town to sell his goods and the people who knew Farmer Joe really liked the food he grew, the eggs, the milk, and especially they loved his bacon. Interacting with him however caused people to feel uncomfortable. For all they know they could just be overreacting to an odd personality.
Or maybe, just maybe the civilians were right. But who would dare question Farmer Joe and his motives? He is the best farmer around and the best bacon man. People need their bacon and can’t afford to screw themselves over. This man is the only one who sells real bacon and doesn’t try to pass off turkey bacon for being real. One does not simply resist bacon. Then there are those that don’t always eat bacon but when they do they put extra bacon on their bacon. If the point hasn’t gotten across yet some would go as far as saying “yo dawg I heard you like bacon, so we put bacon on your bacon with a side of bacon and topped it off with bacon.” Essentially having bacon is too important and takes precedence over satisfying people's questions with Farmer Joe. The town may never find out why he acts strange or will they?
Just like any business supply runs low and needs restocking. Unfortunately Farmer Joe’s pig breeder has just been arrested for large amounts of cocaine, the key ingredient in making the pigs irresistibly tasty. His bail posted at 10k if that, and Joe’s business can’t afford to play the legal games. Plus his secret would be received and he would be called a fraud. This detrimental dismay leaves only one option, sourcing out to an all natural organic pig breeder. Reluctantly the farmer brings back his new set of organic pigs introducing them to the farm, putting the pigs in their pen and feeding the animals. Afterward Farmer Joe goes back into his farmhouse for the night.
The three new pigs will be spending their first night here on the farm. Each pig has their own personality and have quite the friendship between each other. First there is the adventurous pig named Nosey Noah. Nosey Noah is always down for an adventure no matter what is at stake. Next is the goofy pig who goes by Wacky Wally. Wally would be best described as the goofball, he’s always down for whatever but lacks all common sense. Last but not least the cautious pig of the group Nervous Nate. Nervous Nate gets stuck with the other two more adventures pigs and has a lot of anxiety mostly due to Wally and noah but has nothing better to do then join them.
You smell that?” asked Noah.
“Smells kinda like a skunk.” Wacky Wally replied.
“I think we should go check it out.”
“You guys are already planning an adventure we just got here.” exclaimed nervous Nate.
“Yeah dude, the farmer went to bed we’ll be fine. Are you in?”
“I guess.”
The three pigs join forces and charge at the loose fence, busting through to the open farmland to inspect what and where this smell is. wandering around following this mysterious sent the pigs arrive at the cows pasture. Nosey Noah wants to get to the bottom of this.
“Hey you, Mr cow what's this skunk smell I'm getting?” The cow exhales a thick white cloud of smoke and coughs lightly.
“Chill man were just smoking up before we get milked tomorrow, farmer wants dat milk laced with THC. People pay top dollar for his product.”
Nervous Nate questions the cow. “You know how much harm you're doing to your body, I don't think you should be smoking anything.”
“Relax, you should go talk to the chickens they got stuff to keep your anxiety down.”
Moments later. Wacky Wally and Nosey Noah were taking hits from the cows joint. Too nervous to venture out on his own Nate sticks around. A few hours of conversing goes by then Noah says to the cow.
“Yo man I gotta eat something, it was nice chillin with you, I’ll have to hit you up again.” The three pigs then set out to find something to eat, they sneak into the barn where the farmer keeps the feed but Wacky Wally clumsily knocks over a bunch of tools creating a huge ruckus. “What in tarnation!” The farmer flips a light switch on.
“Your gonna blow this for us!” exclaims Noah. Nervous Nate jumps in and says “The farmer just turned on a light in his house we got to go.”
“We got some time just dig in and we will worry about the farmer later.”
Farmer Joe makes his way out to the barn. He can see that the pigs are not in their pen and knows what to expect. As Farmer Joe opens the barn doors he scolds the pigs.
What you doing in here, trying to turn yourselves into bacon? Get back in your pen.”
The pigs follow order and go to their pen for the night
As morning rises, breakfast is served and all the animals are cared for. Saving the pigs for last he finally gets around to feeding them. While he dumps the pig feed into the trough he looks at his pigs and in an excited crazed voice he says “I can’t wait to sell some more bacon.” There’s that word again, bacon he says it like the pigs don’t understand what he is saying. “Now you pigs be good while I’m gone, I’ve got food to sell and can’t afford to lose you or have you out roaming around.” Farmer Joe packs up his produce and leaves in his beat up, rust bucket Ford pick up. Once the farmer is out of sight the pigs start to converse.
Nervous Nate asks “What is this bacon the farmer keeps on mentioning?”
Wacky Wally just shouts out “Bacon!”
“I don't know but today we find out about this so called bacon, and before we get started We're gonna get you on the meds the chickens are on. I can't have you being a buzzkill during our operation.”
Once again the pigs bust through the fence, this time heading out to the chicken coup. The lead chicken stops the pigs and greets them.
“Well, look at what the farmer dragged in, three organic little piggies.”
Wally’s snarky reply “So why did the chicken cross the road?”
Shut up Wally! I heard you got something to take away anxiety, Nervous Nate over here needs to chill.”
“Well he seems fine to me”
Wally buts in “Today we’re gonna find out what bacon is and can’t have Nate messing up our adventure”
“Bacon you say, well I can get you some anxiety meds only if you promise to bring some bacon back to me.”
The three pigs exchange looks and nod in approval to each other then simultaneously say “Deal.” The chicken then gives the pigs instructions on where to get the bacon.
“Getting this bacon won’t be easy, first you have to sneak into the farmhouse, then the farmer keeps his spare bacon in a freezer located in the basement. Get in get out clean we can launch this business relationship forward.”
Just like that the pigs are off again for another adventure to find the bacon. The pigs make it into the house and navigate to the basement, the freezer in plain sight. Noah pauses in front of the freezer and says
“Guy’s this is a cake walk”
“Did you guys hear that?” asks Noah
“Not again, those meds are junk.”
“I can’t help it when I hear things.”
The farmer got back early from the market due to the lack of bacon. He then notices that his door to the farmhouse is wide open. Walking through he sees a trail of muddy footprints leading to the basement stairs. Farmer Joe is now infuriated, he storms down the stairs grabs an axe off the wall and yells out
“looking for bacon, I got some right here!”
Farmer Joe starts swinging taking down Noah then Wally and finishes off with Nate. The squeals were so intense every farm animal could hear what was going down. Sitting high in the chicken coupe the leader sits there and chuckles.
